By My Side
by bandanaye
Summary: After attempting to ask Sebastian a question, Ciel comes to realize that deep down, he's scared. One-shot. Mild SxC


A/N: Yay! New fandom, new obsession! Thought I'd give this a try! Please enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji

* * *

><p>Curling up, Ciel shivered at the unnatural cold surrounding him, filling up the entire room. He twisted and turned under the sheets, trying to warm himself up with body heat, but that wasn't working either. His mind was racing and his heart was pounding, driving him from the numbing darkness he long for so badly.<p>

"Damnit," he muttered under his breath as he gave in and sat up. He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them, setting his chin atop with a dejected sigh. Closing his eyes behind long dark teal locks, he whispered, "Sebastian, come here."

His butler didn't bother to knock as he usually did, but Ciel knew that it was only because of the small plea that slipped through his voice. Not that Sebastian would actually worry for _him_ as a person…just his soul.

"Is everything alright, Young Master?" Sebastian asked with that collective, self assured voice of his as he lit some candles so that it wasn't just his candelabra lighting the spacious room.

Unlike Sebastian, Ciel never was the one to beat around the bush and play around. "What's hell like?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Ciel saw his butler tense at the question, but was quickly greeted with that daemon's trademark smirk as he turned around fully. "Are you frightened, Young Master?"

Of course he wasn't! Ciel wanted to protest. But in reality, in the deep depths of his childlike innocence, he was utterly terrified. It was plaguing him for a while now, and he was getting irritated with the nightmares and lost sleep. "Curious," he answered stoically, and it was the truth.

He could have sworn that he heard Sebastian snicker under his breath, but Ciel was more concentrated on the daemon approaching his bed. He made no move however when his butler took a seat on the edge of his mattress, finally setting the candelabra down on the bedside table.

"I cannot say what your fate may be, Young Master," Sebastian started evenly, an amused glint in his eye that Ciel wished to be just the candlelight. But he knew better. "Hell is such a complex place; it is different for every damned soul."

"What's the worst fate?" Ciel probed a little too quickly, not sure how to really respond to such a vague explanation.

He wasn't looking at Sebastian when he said it, but Ciel was able to pick up on the fact that the daemon was smiling as he replied, "To be in the jaws of the Devil himself."

Sebastian wouldn't lie. Ciel knew that his answer was merely to scare him, and while in some respect it did, Ciel knew not to let it go to his head. But what would hell be like for him? He had read Dante's _Inferno _a while ago, and it sent chills down his back every time he thought of certain circles and what punishments there could possibly be awaiting him. Would he forever be stationed to stand in boiling blood for the murders he had committed? The revenge he was guilty for? Would Sebastian have pity on him?

He must have remained silent for too long, contemplating these possible fates when Ciel was jolted back to the present as a gloved hand slid against his face, brushing his bangs away.

"But I can hardly see that path being yours," Sebastian…assured him? "Your revenge is not the worst sin the world has ever seen."

The conversation had taken a turn Ciel didn't see coming, and he was suffering for it as he let the seconds tick by without saying a single word. He also couldn't find the ability to move as Sebastian kept that gloved hand against his face, the fabric gliding ever so slowly up his nose to push back the bangs that concealed his right eye.

Red bore into marked blue, and Ciel couldn't help but notice his breath quickening as their gazes held for what seemed hours. The air was suddenly thick with tension and Ciel felt like he was silently suffocating. Then Sebastian's hand moved away, and Ciel was sucked back into reality.

"You're grown quiet, so I must assume that I answered your question." Ciel robotically pulled up his legs as he was gently pushed back into the softness that was his bed, his butler dutifully pulling the blankets up to his chin.

The room was quiet save for Sebastian softly walking around as he blew out the lit candles, at last finally grabbing his candelabra and making way for the door.

"Sebastian," Ciel murmured quickly as the door creaked open a hair.

"Yes, Young Master?"

It was on the tip of his tongue, but Ciel couldn't force himself to say it. Instead, he added, "I'll see you tomorrow."

The right hand flew to where a blackened heart would be, and there was a slight nod of a head. "As always, my Lord." With that, his butler left, the uncomfortable silence and darkness surrounding Ciel once more.

* * *

><p>His bare feet were cold against the crude hallway carpet, a slight draft making him shiver in his simple nightshirt as he stood in front of his butler's bedroom door in the middle of the night. It had only been a week since he had called upon Sebastian to ask him what his possible fate could be like…when his soul was devoured.<p>

The more Ciel thought of it, the more frightened he became deep down inside. It was like a shadow was consuming him from the inside out, and as much as he tried to hide the fact, he was sure Sebastian had taken notice if no one else had yet.

His thoughts weren't on the Queen's orders or his company. He was becoming more and more exhausted each day as he gradually lost sleep due to his erratic thoughts and constant nightmares. As well as the question he knew he should have asked Sebastian a week ago.

Daemons didn't need to sleep, yet he had given Sebastian a room so everything would appear normal. He had no idea on whether or not his butler ever really spent time in this room or if he merely prowled the mansion all night. Either way, Ciel felt extremely uncomfortable to knock on a servant's door, but he really couldn't stand the thought of a repeat of last week.

He had been a coward then. He wouldn't be so foolish this time, and the only way to attack something was to attack it head on.

As he lifted his fist to knock, Ciel nearly jumped back as the door automatically opened, showing Sebastian with an almost knowing look on his face. "Is there a fire?"

"Don't be foolish. You would know such a thing before me," Ciel bit back, feeling his face heat up as he barged into the room, reminding himself that he had to power to do so in the first place.

"Can't sleep again?" Sebastian guessed instead, not deterred in the least by his master's intrusion as he casually closed the door.

Again, Ciel couldn't help but feel vulnerable, and he wished that he had taken a jacket or something. Was it really this cold in the servant's quarters? He plopped himself down on a chair near the window, averting his gaze as he let out a whispered, "Yes."

Sebastian must have been in the midst to sleep or rest for he had taken his jacket off. The sleeves of the white shirt underneath were rolled up to the elbows, giving him a less strict look. He had also taken his gloves off, and Ciel tried not to take in the daemon's hands. Nevertheless, his butler acted like nothing was wrong as he settled on the edge of his tiny bed, facing him.

"Do you need anything, Young Master? Warm milk perhaps?"

Ignoring the sugar-coated questions, Ciel twisted his fingers together, hoping that his weakness wouldn't be too obvious. "What happens to a soul after you devour it, Sebastian?"

All playfulness abandoned, "It goes to hell."

His heart was racing again, and Ciel pushed it down as best as he could as he knew he was getting closer to his real question. "Does a soul you devour stay connected to you?"

There was a tone in Sebastian's voice as he answered, "It depends on the soul." Ciel didn't dare look up to confirm whether or not his butler was smiling. The dark teal haired boy felt his stomach drop, and he wanted nothing but to leave, stop the conversation, save him the embarrassment that he was setting himself up for.

"Are you frightened, Young Master?"

That was the second time he had been asked that. Ciel felt his lips move as he stared relentlessly at his hands, but no sound came out. Again, a hand cupped his face, pulling his gaze up to look at his butler.

"Have I become a light in your darkness? A light you wouldn't dare give up?"

To save face, Ciel couldn't help but utter, "You would relish the irony, wouldn't you?"

Yet Sebastian genuinely smiled at him, once again letting his hand smooth across his master's face, pushing back his bangs. The skin on skin contact however felt like bliss to Ciel, who once again had no objections to the secretly comforting action.

Somehow, his gentle touching had coaxed Ciel to move to sit beside Sebastian on the edge of the bed, his feet barely touching the ground as he willingly leaned onto his butler as his weariness of the days past started to come crashing down on him. The shields that he usually had up were slowly chipping away as Sebastian soothingly ran his hand through his messy tresses, lulling him.

With his head against Sebastian's shoulder, Ciel stared down with half lidded eyes at the daemon's shiny shoes, idly wondering if this was some magic the other was working over him. Yet, he found his mind still sharp and his senses still aware.

"You'll stay by my side, won't you, Sebastian?" Ciel asked hesitantly, quietly.

"Until the contract is complete, Young Master."

Did Sebastian really understand? Or was he purposely trying to scare him? Ciel felt the need to clarify, but his pride was once again in the way.

His hand unconsciously grabbed at Sebastian's rolled up sleeve, holding it in a desperate manner. He kept his blue eyes glued to his butler's polished shoes, forcing himself to just say it. "No."

"No?"

"After you…devour me."

Ciel's insides squirmed a bit when Sebastian stood up, his warm contact instantly missed. He stayed put however as he cautiously watched as his butler moved to stand in front of him, then kneel, that loyal hand across his heart. Red eyes blazed while a small, barely noticeable smile curved his lips.

"I can no-"

His body was acting according the messages his brain was feeding, and Ciel surprisingly felt no shame as he nearly launched himself at his butler, embracing him desperately. Hands grasped the daemon's shoulders tightly as he buried his face into Sebastian's neck, barely noticing that his hold was being slowly returned in a gentler way.

He had promised himself that he wouldn't beg for anything after the day he had made the contract with Sebastian. That nothing was worth begging for if you wanted to succeed in life. Begging made you weak.

"Please, Sebastian," he whispered heartbreakingly into the crook of the daemon's neck, but he could hardly care about appearances now. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but he was scared of the future. Scared out of his mind. And Sebastian knew it.

Sebastian remained silent, but had taken to rubbing his back comfortingly as Ciel continued to babble quick, detached lines here and there. Time struggled on until the daemon pushed his master back, a little surprised that tears weren't streaming down the boy's face.

But such misery.

"It is late, Young Master," he said quietly, letting his hand run down the side of his master's face, watching as the other's expression turned sleepy. He stood up to full height before lifting the exhausted boy up into his arms.

The journey to his master's room was a quick and familiar one, and Ciel had remained silent the whole time. There were no other struggles or questions as he placed the boy back into his large bed, pulling the covers over him. He dimmed the lantern on the bedside table, aware of the boy's half lidded gaze on him.

The print of the contract on Ciel's right eye stood out from behind his bangs as it glowed ever so lightly, but Sebastian paid no heed to it.

In a way, he understood his master's pain and fear. He should be feeding off of it, like any other daemon. But for some reason, Sebastian couldn't help but feel troubled by it. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but there was something about this boy that he felt connected to…that he wanted to protect. And not just because his soul would satisfy his hunger like no other. No, it went beyond his master's soul.

But could he stay by his master's side after he was devoured?

Letting the back of his fingers trail lightly across the boy's brow, Sebastian watched was as his master's eyes closed, his face instantly relaxing.

"I will reschedule things for tomorrow since you need the extra sleep, Young Master," Sebastian said softly, dismissing everything that had just occurred to the best of his abilities.

* * *

><p>AN: ::peeps out:: So, what'cha think? Ciel's so hard to write, I hope he's somewhat in character. But anyway, thank you for reading, and I'm open to any feedback!


End file.
